All the small things

I try my hardest to be a positive person: I count my blessings and try to model kindness.  I try to solve problems rather than dwell on them. I do struggle to maintain the positivity though, especially when I am tired and hormonal.  I desperately try to use positive parenting but feel very guilty when things go wrong and I shout, nag and become negative.  I try to keep my words kind but sometimes they are not. I want my children to know I love them and believe in them, but there are times when actually they are really annoying,  unkind and rude and I want to hide or run away!

I have struggled with depression and anxiety for more than half of my life (on and off) and can easily feel overwhelmed by challenges.  The challenges seem to be growing at the moment,  especially as we approach the teenage years at the same time as having a preschooler. There is a lot of fighting,  negativity and general bad feeling between the siblings.  This saddens and frustrates me. In order to prevent 'going under' I want to rekindle some good feelings. If I feel better myself I can be more positive around the kids and maybe some of it will rub off on them.  So here is a list of my top 5 warm fuzzy moments from the last week:

1.Whilst on a walk with Sausage he commented on how lovely it was going for a walk together. He stopped regularly to look at plants and insects and was sad when we found a dead bumble bee and this sparked a lovely conversation about bees and why we need to care for them..

2.The other morning Cheese came into my bed for a cuddle for the first time in several years and he has been particularly cuddly and has told me he loves me several times. 

3.Apple, on discovering that Sausage was poorly,  put him to bed, gave him a cuddle and offered to be his nurse.

4.Every time I made something new all the family were really kind,  positive and encouraging.

5.When I went for a blood test Apple and Sausage were both worried that I would be hurt and after reassuring them they were still really kind and Sausage held the tubes for the nurse and was really interested. 

There are lots of other good moments and Mr Green has been lovely as ever. I still really appreciate the fact that I live in a beautiful part of the world and can reach fields,  hills and beaches by walking for a few minutes from the house.  I get to see a huge range of flowers,  plants,  butterflies and wildlife every day.

 

 

I really, really want to try and encourage the children to be kinder to each other and to others. I know all siblings argue but I really find it sad when I see how negative and unkind they can be. I want them to have happy, supportive relationships. After reading this post we are going to start a family 'kind club'. Our first mission is to write letters and draw pictures to send to friends and family members we feel we have neglected recently.

We are going to make positive place mats - each of us writes our names and draws a self portrait then hands the paper to each family member in turn. Everybody writes down something good about each person so they end up with positive statements about themselves from all family members.  These can be laminated and used as place mats.

I would love to hear how you find ways to nurture positivity and promote harmony in your families. I'll let you know how we get on.

Brothers, babies, burgers and baking

It's been a while since my last post. It feels like forever. It has taken several attempts to find time to complete the post. Apple is finally in school,  hooray!  Not the local one but a very good one and she seems happy.  We're just waiting to hear whether she gets a place on the school bus - fingers crossed. Sausage seems happy to have his 'mummy days' (just the two of us) back and we are slowly settling into the rhythm of a new routine. We particularly enjoy it when the days involve café trips with cake but these are expanding my waistline and depleting my bank balance so will have to be limited!

I had the great pleasure of a visit from lovely brother a couple of weeks ago. We hadn't seen each other since Christmas so it was great to catch up. We had an evening of pizza and wine with Mr Green then the next day deposited the children at their various establishments before heading to the beach with Wobble. We walked and talked among the rock pools and waves,  putting the world to rights and discussing our own dilemmas. One of the topics for discussion was parenthood. Lovely brother is used to a lot of freedom.  Now he is in a healthy, long term relationship he is pondering the prospect of bringing a child into the world. He is a fantastic uncle and his niece and nephews adore him but would he make a good father?  Could he cope with the permanent momentous change in his usually predictable life? As introverts we both struggle with noise, decisions, assertiveness, and need moments of peace and solitude.  We both need lots of sleep. I cope because I am mum to children who need me to cope and need me to be there; because I love my children beyond measure and because I have a fantastic husband who supports and loves me and knows my needs. I love watching the children grow, change and develop and love being there for them when they need me. But there are times when it is completely overwhelming, I don't know how to handle things and sometimes have a desperate need to run away.  It's hard to give impartial advice when you are in the thick of it, so I just gave the unedited version of reality.  I wonder what he and his partner will decide. Parenthood is so special but it is not for everyone and I believe it should not be entered into lightly.  

And now onto food. Whilst together lovely brother went for lunch in one of my favourite cafes and had the most delectable burgers - smoky black bean and beetroot.  They were wholesome and healthy but very tasty and I will try to recreate them at home - recipe to follow soon!  I have also sampled a tofu and cashew burger at the same place which was delicious.  I have had some baking successes recently including carrot and chocolate cake,  raspberry bakewell cake and chocolate brownies. I will share some new recipes soon.

 

A lot has been happening recently but I will try to resurrect the blog and add some photos,  recipes and more musings.