Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult? I know it can be hard for children too, but generally things get harder once you leave education. It doesn't help if you lack confidence or have anxiety issues. Some people say it's easier when you have children as you have a route into conversation and at least one thing in common. If conversation dries up you can always bring up topics such as sleep, eating, bowel and bladder functions or school / nursery places and quality. But I think it is still tricky and complicated by the fact that either you or your potential friend has to run off every couple of minutes to wipe a nose / bottom / item of furniture, push a swing, solve an argument or dry tears. When your child is hitting, blowing raspberries, being rude and / or not taking turns the stress levels can reach new heights. The internal panicky self talk doesn't help as you desperately try to recall the correct positive but firm phrase that will effectively guide your child towards the right course of action. what kind of judgement is your now slightly less potential friend making about your strength of character, parenting skills and moral fibre? What do they think of your child? And why is their child so bloomin well behaved? So many times I have scuttled away after hastily making excuses and dragging Sausage away from the situation.
I don't know what it is that helps you get past those first few awkward encounters and really get to know someone well enough to call them a friend. To know that they 'get' you and you can let down your guard. I have never had lots of friends but really value those I have. Since moving I have met several nice people but there is nobody I can yet really relax with. I miss those easy conversations and exchange of gossip, advice and ideas. I miss the company of women in general and I miss my mum.
So, who is out there reading this? Do you struggle with friendships? Does anybody have any advice? I think as mums we especially need to be understanding and kind to each other. We need to be more forthcoming and honest. And we probably need to leave the kids with a significant other from time to time so we can bond over a child free cuppa or glass of wine!
