Turning a gloomy day orange

Phew, I have not had time to post for ages as I have been rather busy with work,  craft fairs and life in general. Family life as been tricky as Cheese is currently wading through a sea of tweenage hormones and causing arguments and rifts. There have been end of term activities such as sports days and dress up days and Sausage has had his starting school introductory sessions.

I have been feeling utterly exhausted due to a combination of the littlies' night time waking shenanigans and associated musical beds, plus a new episode of anaemia.  I have had some long, tiring days at work and I think, even though I only work part time, I really 'feel' the generalised increased irritability and fatigue that comes towards the end of term.  Having a husband who works in education seems to amplify the end of term feeling as he gets busier, then suddenly  there is a lovely lull.

Things have been feeling rather gloomy of late due to health niggles,  the things mentioned above and some awkward friendship moments. So, as ever, I am trying to be positive and appreciate life's simple pleasures.

Today I am thinking about orange!  Orange is a lovely bright colour and it was my favourite as a child. Orange is (sort of) the colour of my lovely dog Wobble and of foxes who have today received a temporary reprieve with the government's decision not to repeal the fox hunting ban (hooray - for now!).

It is a very drizzly, gloomy day here in Cornwall so I have raided the fridge and have turned a pile of slightly wobbly carrots into carrot and lentil soup and carrot and orange cake. Yum. I love soup and cake and they will both be ready soon to warm and cheer. Sausage helped to make the cake and that made him happy as we haven't baked for ages. In case you are interested here are my recipes:

Carrot and lentil soup:

I am not giving exact quantities here as I am a 'bung it all in' kind of soup maker but I used, approximately, 100g red lentils, 3 medium carrots,  one onion,  one clove of garlic,  a slice of ginger,  a teaspoon each of ground coriander and cumin seed. This makes approximately 3 portions.

Cook the onion in a glug of olive oil until soft, add the spices, ginger and garlic and cook for another minute or so. Add the rinsed lentils with enough hot stock to cover plus a bit more. Bring to the boil then simmer until soft, adding the carrots after about ten minutes. Add more stock as necessary.  When cooked allow to cool a little then puree, taste, reheat and season to your liking.  Serve as it is or with chunky bread and butter, cheese scones oe similar.  I like it with a topping of toasted sunflower seeds and some grated cheese.  You may want to experiment with more garlic or some chili.

Carrot and orange cake:

175g each of sugar (I use brown), selfraising flour and sunflower oil
3 eggs
140g carrots,  finely grated
Grated zest of one orange
1tsp bicarbonate of soda
1 tsp cinnamon

Preheat oven to 170 degrees C. Whisk all ingredients except carrots together unit smooth and well mixed. Fold in the carrots.  Add a splash of orange juice to loosen if necessary.  Pour into a prepared tin (I make this in a 7" round tin but it works in a loaf tin). Bake for approximately 45 minutes until well risen,  golden and a skewer comes out clean. Top with a simple orange icing or buttercream. Enjoy with a cuppa whilst waiting for the sun to come back out.

Since starting this post I have prepared and eaten lunch with Sausage,  taken a phone call from the school nurse, been used as a ladder and resting place by a small kitten and taken the cake out of the oven. I was going to photograph the soup but, erm...I was too hungry.  I will try to photograph the cake in between icing and eating it!

It is still raining and grey outside but my tummy is full and warm and I am snuggling up with my littlest. I need to make the most of these times before he starts school. But that is another story.

What do you do to brighten up gloomy days? Until next time,

Green x

All the small things

I try my hardest to be a positive person: I count my blessings and try to model kindness.  I try to solve problems rather than dwell on them. I do struggle to maintain the positivity though, especially when I am tired and hormonal.  I desperately try to use positive parenting but feel very guilty when things go wrong and I shout, nag and become negative.  I try to keep my words kind but sometimes they are not. I want my children to know I love them and believe in them, but there are times when actually they are really annoying,  unkind and rude and I want to hide or run away!

I have struggled with depression and anxiety for more than half of my life (on and off) and can easily feel overwhelmed by challenges.  The challenges seem to be growing at the moment,  especially as we approach the teenage years at the same time as having a preschooler. There is a lot of fighting,  negativity and general bad feeling between the siblings.  This saddens and frustrates me. In order to prevent 'going under' I want to rekindle some good feelings. If I feel better myself I can be more positive around the kids and maybe some of it will rub off on them.  So here is a list of my top 5 warm fuzzy moments from the last week:

1.Whilst on a walk with Sausage he commented on how lovely it was going for a walk together. He stopped regularly to look at plants and insects and was sad when we found a dead bumble bee and this sparked a lovely conversation about bees and why we need to care for them..

2.The other morning Cheese came into my bed for a cuddle for the first time in several years and he has been particularly cuddly and has told me he loves me several times. 

3.Apple, on discovering that Sausage was poorly,  put him to bed, gave him a cuddle and offered to be his nurse.

4.Every time I made something new all the family were really kind,  positive and encouraging.

5.When I went for a blood test Apple and Sausage were both worried that I would be hurt and after reassuring them they were still really kind and Sausage held the tubes for the nurse and was really interested. 

There are lots of other good moments and Mr Green has been lovely as ever. I still really appreciate the fact that I live in a beautiful part of the world and can reach fields,  hills and beaches by walking for a few minutes from the house.  I get to see a huge range of flowers,  plants,  butterflies and wildlife every day.

 

 

I really, really want to try and encourage the children to be kinder to each other and to others. I know all siblings argue but I really find it sad when I see how negative and unkind they can be. I want them to have happy, supportive relationships. After reading this post we are going to start a family 'kind club'. Our first mission is to write letters and draw pictures to send to friends and family members we feel we have neglected recently.

We are going to make positive place mats - each of us writes our names and draws a self portrait then hands the paper to each family member in turn. Everybody writes down something good about each person so they end up with positive statements about themselves from all family members.  These can be laminated and used as place mats.

I would love to hear how you find ways to nurture positivity and promote harmony in your families. I'll let you know how we get on.

Running to stand still

I am busy! It has been over a week since my last post and I have things I should be doing right now instead of writing this.  It feels strange however not to write now I have become used to regularly airing my thoughts to the world (or the small corner of it that reads my blog).  When I first started blogging I was always nervous about hitting the publish button and it has taken a while to find my voice.  I am still a newbie and have a lot to learn but it feels more natural now.

I have had lots of drains on my time recently which have prevented me from writing.  I am always busy but can usually carve out little pockets of time to write.  The last couple of weeks have been pretty hectic however.  I have been away (see this post ) which was fun but also quite emotional. It has taken time to process my reaction to the visit - more on that soon. On my return I had to catch up with all the things I hadn't been around to do (although Mr Green did a great job while I was away). Since then I have had a poorly Apple home from school,  which was tricky because it coincided with Sausage's non nursery days and we had to contend with being stuck in the house for three days solid. Needless to say we all went a bit stir-crazy! Thankfully Apple is now better but Sausage is unwell. Oh the joys of sibling virus sharing!

On a productive note, I have a job! I am currently 'between careers' and trying to really think carefully what I might want to do when Sausage starts school.  Idle pondering does not pay the bills though so I have found a local part time job that fits into nursery days.  It will be busy and at times hectic as the job is a tearoom supervisor and we live by the sea! It is far removed from my previous career jobs but it is only a temporary measure to bring in some pennies.  Hopefully I will feel more useful and start to meet more people. I have already been asked to contribute some recipes to the menu so I will post some on here soon too.  I will continue to create things and attend craft fairs and hopefully improve my skills. I still feel tempted to pop back into education for a while too...

I have been busy preparing for a recent craft fair which I attended but didn't sell much. I am inspired to continue though having received some lovely feedback and some bespoke orders. I can be so self critical and really struggle to believe that I have any talents,  but when people want to buy my work it gives me a spark of hope that maybe my work is desirable.  Maybe my little hobby could turn into something more. I recently read a blog post that highlighted the battle between having big dreams and the regular bouts of self doubt. I will try to maintain a positive outlook.

Among all these things are the mundane realities of laundry,  cleaning, cooking,  admin, dog walking etc. And these jobs mount and grow when you add children into the mix. So, I started this post feeling that I was on a constant treadmill or running around aimlessly,  trying so hard to do everything that nothing was getting done. Clearly I was mistaken as reading through I see I have achieved things and will keep marching on. I must now return to my domestic drudgery after attending my poorly boy who is stirring from slumber.  In the meantime,  why not let me know what's going on in your lives x

Back to my roots

Today I am embarking on a journey,  a physical and metaphorical one. I am leaving the bosom of my family for a couple of days to visit some special people in my life.  I have been meaning to do this journey for some time but it comes with very mixed feelings. 

I will miss Mr green and my incredible edibles (Cheese, Apple and Sausage) very much. And of course my furry woofhound. I am not used to being away from them and it feels very strange.  I know that Mr Green is ultra capable when it comes to childcare,  but since giving up work and spending so much time with them I feel it is me that is aware of their foibles, sensitivities and needs and me that can read their signs and plan ahead for their needs. It's me that understands the hideous monsters that are the clean and dirty washing piles. And me they want all the time. This is another good reason for me to go - I can feel swamped and suffocated and Mr Green can feel rejected.  The children adore their dad but if I'm around he often doesn't get a look in. So, we will miss each other (and I will very much miss Mr Green! ) but they will be fine and we can all have a good cuddle and catch up when I am back.

I am also excited to be seeing my lovely friend whom I have missed very much since moving.  She is someone I can be myself with and I can't wait to see her. I wrote recently about friendship in my post "let's be friends" and if you have read this you will understand how much this means to me.

And now for the tricky part. I am going to visit my dad. My dad who has lost himself to Alzheimer's disease. I don't want to visit him because it is so very painful seeing someone you love decline in such a cruel way. But I do want to see him because he is still my dad and I love him. He is in there somewhere. He doesn't know who I am anymore but I know who he is and I care. A lot. We have been through some tough times but he has done an awful lot for me over the years. If I didn't appreciate it at the time I certainly do now. And I am so glad that he and I resurrected our relationship before he became ill. I was able to tell him I loved him while he still knew what it meant and who I was. I was able to give him three grandchildren. So now when I see him I find myself thinking about the man he was before he was ill. Before he had children.  About the adventures he had and the challenges he overcame.  And I think about the love and care he has been given by my lovely step mum. We are both lucky to have her.

The final leg of my journey will be going back to my childhood home.  Back to where I grew up. The house carries some powerful memories and emotions for me and it has been several years since I stayed there.  I am looking forward to embracing the memories rather than fearing them, and looking forward to time with my step mum. 

Family is important.  Families can be odd, difficult,  annoying and hard work but they can be fun, comforting, helpful and a source of joy. It is easy to criticise people when you haven't been in their shoes. Parenting is one of those things. It's so easy to be hard on your parents but when you become one yourself you understand their struggles and understand that like you they are real people with their own needs, desires, dreams and worries. And you understand the enormity of the parenting role. So, why not be kind to ourselves and each other. Show our appreciation before it's too late. And spread the love :-) x

 

Should I stay or should I go?

It's been a tough week. Fevers have flourished,  snot has poured,  nights have been broken and tantrums have reigned. I have been screamed at for such long periods I am surprised that the screamers can still speak and I can still hear. I have been bitten,  pummeled, pushed, scratched and jumped on. The dog ("Wobble"), has looked on in forlorn bemusement.  She has missed out on walks. I have tried to be a model of calm, sympathetic motherhood, but failed many times. It has been relentless. Now it is Saturday,  there is no work for Mr Green so he has taken Wobble to the beach with Middle child and Littlest (known henceforth as Apple and Sausage respectively). I am home with Firstborn (AKA Cheese) and the messy kitchen.

It has got to the point where I am feeling claustrophobic and ratty and need some space. Mr Green has offered to have the children for the day so I can go out and 'be'. This is a lovely offer,  and I should jump at the chance,  but I know he has had a busy week at work and seems to be coming down with the dreaded lurgy. I have therefore stalled in my decision making and after a slow start to the morning it is now lunch time and I am nowhere near ready to go anywhere!  Go, I must however.  Everyone needs space and I have decided I must get out for the rest of the day. Today is one of those difficult January anniversaries I mentioned in an earlier post - the most difficult in fact. I will go and be and Mr Green will cope admirably. Then I can come back to the bosom of the family with renewed positivity.  Hopefully. . .

I apologise for the gloomy mood of this post but I hope to be rid of the January blues soon. Why not take a moment to comment and let me know what you do to lift your spirits or deal with tantrums.  It would be nice to know who is out there :-).